April 11th

Today has been a weak day for me. I have seemed to have lost my motivation and what is so sad is that this is what week 5 of this journey and I have only had what 4 weigh ins. A member of my FB group made a grid her weekly weigh ins to show loss and gain and I need to really do that; there are times I can’t remember what my weight was before I enter it into the MFP. I need to remind myself of that from time to time. I also need to make a note of the weight I got to when I lost the 20lbs last year. I do have to realize that last year when I tried this it took me like 4 months to lose 20lbs. I know for so many they lost that in like a month some are like two months, but that is not my journey. My journey is very slow. I am sure that my weight doesn’t want to drop as well because of the stress I make for myself.

So what are those stresses, well first my stress that the weight is not coming off and I am trying to eat better, drink water, and do a little exercise. I say a little exercise because I don’t work out 5-7 times a week. I look at calories and think man my day is shot at lunch or if I eat my dinner even though not a lot then I will be over like 100 calories and I can’t do that. Yesterday I was sad because I went over by 7 calories I mean really who gets sad over 7 calories!! Today I think I realized although trying to eat less and better choices that when I am stressed even when I say I am not stressed that my body craves the carbs. Carbs become a fixture in my mind. When I am home I do eat things like rice but I don’t crave having a slice(s) of bread and eggs for example. There are times I really want to have biscuits for breakfast when I want a big hearty one, but that is not an all the time deal. I can’t even imagine life with no carbs but then again can you really eat without having any Carbs? Carbs are in rice, potatoes, cereal, and oatmeal as an example. I thought well maybe I need to do that only meat and fruits galore for a week or maybe two but I thought dang doesn’t cheese have carbs in it too, so only meat and fruits, better watch for seasonings because some of those have carbs too. It feels like a losing battle to say no carbs girl, none what so ever.

Now to make matters worse I bring my lunch and from stress feel I need to get away and it wasn’t stress at work either. I was stressing over my child and the choices she makes when it comes to school and then her crap she gave me about her dad how he understands bull crap. I will digress from that back to my lunch issues. My best friend again is in the office and she asked if I brought my lunch and of course the answer is yes. I then say well depends on where you are going I may ditch my lunch and go with you. She names some thinks like Cuban, burgers, Pluckers and Olive Garden. I decline Cuban because I am not a fan of the Cuban sandwich at all and there I would order the fried pork chunks, rice and black beans. I didn’t want to eat fried food, so why I also stayed away from Pluckers since the wings are fried and then dipped in yummy sauces of your choice. I wasn’t feeling a burger at all so I was like hum I can do Olive Garden how hurtful can a salad be with soup right? Plus to my best friend credit she has no idea about this weight loss journey I still haven’t gotten to my first 10lb loss. I get the soup and salad and what do I do I eat two bowls of Zuppa Toscana (170 calories a bowl), salad (no croutons, not a big fan) with the dressing again is already mixed in so they say 290 calories for that. Its salad man for real 290 calories and the lettuce is NOT soaked in dressing it’s just lettuce, raw cabbage pieces, red onions and tomatoes on my plate, ugh!! I fought the bread basket urge for awhile and caved in and had one (150 calories) and then I was feeling defeated with my personal stress I wanted to comforted by dessert, but I felt I was making a better choice by getting the dolcini (mini cups) of the limonceli Mousse (230). So let’s add up lunch it was 1010 calories and I drank water. Just terrible that came to so many calories!! Now breakfast I did over do it because I wanted to stay full longer because didn’t really have snacks. I had 520 calories at breakfast which was oatmeal and Weight Watchers Pancake breakfast, needless to say I have 10 calories left for the day and I haven’t had dinner. I am not hungry at this point so I may end up skipping dinner but we shall see. I say that because lunch was like at noon and it is 4 now.

Wow 3 weeks till my birthday and the time frame I gave myself to be 10lbs lighter, um I really hope I make it which is 4 more pounds to lose but that is if I don’t gain this week again. I am scared LOL . Ok with all joking aside I would really like to drop 10 pounds by my birthday, I would love to get to 30lbs dropped or even 40 by the time I graduate which should be mid August time frame. Ok wish me LUCK!!!