Oh yes I did!! What a feeling

Let me start off with the fantastic news of my weigh in from last week. I did my weigh in on April 1^st and this was no April fool’s joke, I couldn’t believe the scale. I had to get on it again when I saw the first number show up. I was like no this can’t be true I had to get off and then back on the scale and the scale said I lost 5lbs. I was so freaking happy and the crazy thing is that I was going to skip the scale remember because the previous week I lost .4lbs and I felt so defeated it wasn’t even half a pound LOL. I was so over joyed that I lost 5lbs and knew I was well on my way to making my 1^st mini goal of 10lbs by my birthday May 4^th. I had decided that I would focus on losing 10lbs 10 tens to get to the 100lb loss I need. I actually need more than 100lbs but 100lbs seems to sink into my head better than saying that I need to lose 144lbs or more.

Now let’s talk about week 4 and that I totally sucked at the water intake which I did pretty well in week 3 as well as the Zumba and Dance Central and even walking. I didn’t do so hot with carbs week 4 because in my mind I had carbs the week before and I lost 5lbs, but I started week 4 all types of wrong really. Just in case I forget or I didn’t mention before, my weeks start on Sunday. That Sunday my mom was feeling depressed with all her husband family drama and she not being happy with what he is trying to offer to her.  She wanted to go buy curtains for her room that she has at my house and I was down for that and then she said no never mind because you have your diet and you don’t need to eat out. I am like I can eat out; I will count my calories and make sure I get exercise. I had Panera bread and went to Freddy’s to try their custard (that was a HUGE disappointment the Freddy’s custard; it wasn’t good for the calories I took in). I didn’t blow my calories out of the water I did go over but like under 300 calories over that day. I only had one other day I went over and that was under 200 calories and all the other days I was under in many cases way under. I only did cardio one day (Zumba) and the rest was just the usual walking around at work. I felt proud of myself for walking the building twice this week while at work. That slow ass walk isn’t going to do it for me with eating things like cracker and cheese. The sad thing is I am not getting crazy with cheese or crackers. I had one serving for those 150 calories of crackers.  Well needless to say the lack of cardio and not having a no carb week (which I can’t carbs out completely) I got on the scale today and I gained 2.4lbs. I cried! I got back in my bed and continued to cry. I was angry with myself for not getting the cardio in, for being so weak at drinking at least 8 cups of water a day. I knew I was fat on Tuesday I felt it, err.  I finally got out of bed since my daughter kept coming in and then she told my mom I think my mom is crying. I get out and my mom ask did I get on the scale I said yes and she said did you gain, lose, or stay the same. I said I gained and she wanted to know how much and I said 2.4lbs.  She then said I hate to see you like this but how you are so about counting your calories and then she tried to blame herself for her joints hurting so badly that she couldn’t take evening walks with me. I have to love my mom trying to take in my pain. It is not her fault I could have gotten off my big tail and walked the neighborhood and came back and do a short Zumba class and then finish my homework. She said are you not going to eat today, I said no mom I will eat (she worries I will get so down that I will try to stop eating) and then she said are you were getting dessert for when my brothers come for Easter dinner, are you going to drown in chocolate (my old faithful) and I said no mom I won’t she smiled and said good. All I could do was fight back the tears that were welling up and she said are  you crying and I said no and the tears fell and she said yes you are, aye don’t cry it will get better whatever it is. Don’t let that scale get you , told you I don’t like the scale I want to see the changes in my clothes because the scale will drive me crazy.

I feel that today crazy and almost scared about what this week will bring and I am not starting it out right because already mid day and I haven’t had a drop of water.

Well off to the grocery store and fighting tears today.